I'm gonna' man up all over myself
by notdefinedbyboundaries
Summary: [FtM!Kurt Cis!Blaine] – Kurt needs to tell his boyfriend a secret that he's been hiding. How will Blaine react to the news?


[FtM!Kurt Cis!Blaine] – Kurt needs to tell his boyfriend a secret that he's been hiding.

Kurt raised his hand and dropped it for the fifth time as he stood outside of the Anderson house. He'd been outside for ten minutes just trying to summon the courage to knock on the door. If he couldn't do this, how could he ever expect to go through with what he had planned? Fuck. He sighed and quickly knocked the door before he could over-think it again. This needed to be done. His heart began to race as he saw movement through the frosted glass windows, and heard footsteps approaching the door from inside.

"Hey, Kurt." Blaine said quietly, opening the door as his eyes were fixed on the floor. Wait, Blaine was sad already? How could be possibly know? Kurt opened and closed his mouth before greeting him meekly in return.

"Would you like to come in?" Blaine asked, stepping back to allow Kurt to enter. It was a stupid question really, of course he did. Why else would he be there? Kurt was going to point it out, but instead decided to just nod and walk inside the house and towards Blaine's bedroom. He'd been in the house many times, but it felt different this time. He thought about telling Blaine in the living room as it seemed less personal than his bedroom -the bedroom which they made out many times in, but he couldn't risk one of Blaine's family members coming home and overhearing.

"If you're going to break up with me just do it. Please don't draw it out longer than you need to." Blaine said, interrupting the awkward silence before Kurt even sat down on the bed.

"Wait, what?" Kurt replied, spinning round quickly to look at the boy. "Why am I breaking up with you?"

Blaine raised an eyebrow and bit his lip. "I saw you standing outside before knocking the door. Obviously you were putting something off."

Kurt sighed and sat down facing Blaine. "I'm not breaking up with you, but I wouldn't be surprised if you broke up with me." He admitted, looking away from Blaine.

"Kurt, why would I break up with you? I know it's a little hard you living in Lima and I'm in Westville, but we still see each other a few times a week-" He defended, sitting next to Kurt.

"It's not that." Kurt interrupted, "I-well, there is something which I haven't told you about me which is kind of important."

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked immediately, surveying Kurt over. He wasn't seriously ill was he? He looked well enough, but it may have been hidden.

"I'm fine." He clarified, making Blaine relax a little. If it wasn't that, then what could it possibly be?

"So.. what is it?" he asked quietly, taking Kurt's hand and giving it a small squeeze for support. It was heart-breaking for Kurt to see his boyfriend being so supportive and loving, and he may be about to lose him forever.

Kurt thought about trying to explain it gently, but it would have been far too difficult to say. Instead he settled with a quiet, but clear, "I'm trans". That was it, his biggest secret was out. Blaine wasn't responding though. "I said I'm-" he repeated.

"I heard you." Blaine interrupted. Wow, he wasn't expecting this. After a long silence which seemed to last forever he finally spoke up again, "Female-to-male, or male-to-female?" he asked, genuinely not knowing. There was a big difference for him.

"Female-to-male." Kurt clarified, "I'm on hormones and I've had chest surgery to remove my- to reconstruct it into a more male looking chest, but I haven't had any surgery on my genitals and I'm not planning to in the foreseeable future."

Blaine nodded. He understood why Kurt didn't tell him at first, but it was important to him. "I don't know Kurt." he began, "This is.. I'm not going to say I'm comfortable with this." It was horrible actually. He'd done so much research on LGBT rights, but his knowledge on trans people was lacking. Kurt felt his eyes begin to tear up. He had expected this, but it didn't make it any less horrible. "I'm going to need to think about this." He added honestly.

Kurt swallowed and nodded in understanding, standing up. "I understand," he replied "Take your time. I'll be.. yeah." He said looking at Blaine, though the other boy was staring blankly at the floor. He felt tears began to run down his cheeks as he left.

The drive home was a blur. A horrible, surreal blur. He'd expected a reaction far worse than what Blaine actually gave, but deep down he had a small amount of hope that Blaine would have merely shrugged, kissed him, and told him that it wasn't important. Of course that wouldn't have happened though. He locked himself in his room and turned off his phone for the rest of the day, not wanting to speak to anyone. He curled up in one of Blaine's Dalton T-shirts and sobbed himself to sleep.

Small clinks were heard in the background, getting more and more frequent and louder. The sounds were slowly drawing the boy back into consciousness and away from his surprisingly peaceful dream. He blinked his eyes open, looking around to see where the noise was coming from. When he saw nothing he closed his eyes again. A few seconds later he heard it again, coming from the window. Curiously he got up, walked over to the window and opened it. Below him was a sheepish looking Blaine holding a handful of small pebbles from his driveway.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked in disbelief. He glanced over to the clock and saw that it was nearly 2am. "What're you doing?"

"I need to speak to you, so I drove over. I tried to call first, but your phone is off." He explained, letting go of the rocks. "Can I come in?"

Kurt nodded wordlessly and disappeared from sight. Soon after, he approached Blaine after coming out of the front door. Blaine could see Kurt better now. His usually perfect hair was a mess, his eyes were red from crying, and he was dressed in a simple t-shirt and shorts.

"Hey." Blaine breathed out, looking at Kurt with a sad smile.

"Hey?" Kurt asked, raising an eyebrow. Yes, he was upset from earlier but he also wasn't a fan of being woken up at 2am. He knew he looked awful. "I hope you've not woken me up to just greet me."

Blaine chuckled quietly. Trust Kurt to still act like a diva during moments like this. He walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. "That's not all." He whispered, kissing his cheek. It was so intimate for such an innocent gesture, but it conveyed a thousand words and explanations.

"Blaine?" Kurt questioned, relaxing into the embrace slightly.

"I'm not going to pretend that I'm one hundred percent comfortable with this yet, Kurt. But I've known for a matter of hours. I need time, but I know that I'm still crazy about you. That hasn't changed." He explained, pulling back slightly to look in his eyes. He cupped Kurt's cheek gently with his hands and carefully stroked his cheek with his thumb.

"A-are you sure, Blaine? I don't want you to say this now and change your mind in a few days when you think about it more." Kurt interjected. He needed Blaine to have thought this through. "And eventually when we get.. intimate.. I need to know that you're not going to freak out and run."

Blaine shook his head, "Yes, your body will look different from how I have imagined it, but it's still you; and I love you. I'm not going to miss out on the opportunity to be with the greatest guy I know just because his genitals are a little different to what I expected." He explained with a small smile before leaning up to kiss him gently.

After a few moments their lips parted and both of them were smiling gently, "Come on, let's get inside." Kurt said, "There is no way I'm letting you drive back now at this time."

The two boys walked inside and up to Kurt's room. "I'm just going to fix my hair and moisturise, change into some pyjamas?" Kurt said, kissing his cheek before disappearing into his bathroom. Blaine changed quickly, knowing which draw had the items in. What caught his attention though, was the phallic-like item which appeared to be casually tossed onto Kurt's bedside table. It must be Kurt's packer. He looked at it carefully, though he didn't touch it. I mean, technically it was Kurt's dick. It was realistic-looking, and an appropriate size to make a decent bulge in his jeans.

"I-um.." Kurt spoke from beside him, his eyes fixed on the packer which he forgot to put away earlier.

Sensing his boyfriends tension Blaine just shrugged "It's.. nice?" he said. For a few seconds he thought he has offended Kurt as the silence crept in, but quickly Kurt snorted out a laugh and rolled his eyes fondly.

"Shut up." Kurt laughed, picking it up and shoving it quickly in his bedside drawers as he tried to control his blush.

Kurt got into bed and held the duvet up for Blaine. "I know you've got some questions, Blaine, but do you mind if we save them for tomorrow? I just want to lay here and cuddle with you right now." Kurt said as Blaine got in the bed.

"Of course, Beautiful." He agreed, pulling Kurt closer as he wrapped his arms around him. He kissed him again gently before letting his eyes flutter. They had a lot to talk about the next day, but in that moment he was more than content to just hold his boyfriend as they slept. He was going to be okay. They were going to be okay.


End file.
